


It was so simple then

by e_mors



Category: Actor RPF, Call Me By Your Name (2017) RPF
Genre: Angst, Jealousy, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-07
Updated: 2018-01-07
Packaged: 2019-03-01 17:19:08
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,694
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13299534
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/e_mors/pseuds/e_mors
Summary: Timmy flirts a little bit with Nick, Armie gets disproportionately jealous and it forces them to talk things over. A lot of angst, be warned.It's a work of fiction.





	It was so simple then

Timmy was so happy to be sitting with Armie, Liz and Nick and laugh and just be with these incredibly generous people. The brunch lasted over an hour already but none of them was ready to end it. He was sitting next to Nick and they would sometimes whisper something to each other or exchange a knowing glance when Armie made another silly joke. It felt so comfortable that he almost didn’t feel the void in his chest as much as usual. Seeing Armie happy was making him happy and that was what mattered. He would prefer to be with Armie alone and immerse himself in their intimacy as it happened so many times before but at the same time he remembered so vividly that the pain afterwards was getting more and more insufferable. The pain of constantly skating around the truth on a very thin ice. The struggle to never cross the line. Armie was married. End of story. He snapped himself from these thoughts as the waiter brought another set of drinks (drinking at brunch was one of Hammer clan traditions). He reached out for the glass as Nick did the same thing for the same glass and their hands inevitably touched. They looked at each other and smiled. He liked Nick’s smile. He couldn’t help thinking that touching Nick might be the very closest thing to touching Armie that he could get now. He thought about it a lot actually. Nick was very similar to Armie, with his sense of humour and the way he carried himself. And he was very close to the Hammer’s, as close as possible. So Timmy found himself being drawn to Nick as a transference of his attraction to Armie. And Nick had an advantage over Armie - he didn’t have a beautiful wife and he didn’t have children. So every time they met he let himself open a little bit more to Nick and even attempted a little bit of flirting (not that he was particularly good at it). It was always met with openness from Nick so it encouraged him to be a little bolder each time. But the thought of him exploiting Nick as his gateway to Armie was always present in the back of his mind and it didn’t seem fair to Nick so he couldn’t really get carried away with it. But now, with his second drink almost finished first he touched Nick’s shoulder while laughing at something Liz said and then he found himself focusing intensely on Nick’s lips as he was telling a story. All he was thinking about was how it would feel to kiss those lips. Would it feel the way Armie’s lips felt? He couldn’t remember that feeling too well anymore. So much time has passed since they kissed in Crema. And they never really kissed anyway, they were always playing their characters. He could never really be sure how Armie actually kissed because he was kissed only by Oliver. These thoughts made him glance at Armie and he almost jumped in his seat at what he saw. Armie was looking at him with such fire in his eyes that it almost scared him. He wasn’t sure what it was really but it wasn’t anything good. He felt dizzy in an instant and made an excuse to go to the toilet. He went straight to the sink and flushed his face with cold water in attempt to sober up. He lifted his head and saw Armie in the mirror.   
„What are you doing?” Well, Armie’s voice was certainly angry as he uttered these words from between his clenched teeth.  
„I think I might be a little drunk..” he said apologetically although he wasn’t really sure what he was apologising for.  
„Oh.” Armie seemed to back off a little, his jaw relaxing a little bit. „Well, that seems right. Come on, you should drink some water.”  
They walked out back to the table. He took a big gulp of water and kept quiet until the end of the brunch. To concerned look from Nick and Liz he gave a fake smile, feeling a little stupid to get drunk so early in the day and with only two drinks. But he felt that way mostly because of Armie’s reaction. He didn’t understand it at all.   
The plan was to go back to Hammer’s house but he suddenly wanted to be alone so he said he wasn’t feeling too good and he should go to a hotel and just sleep it over. Liz protested the idea and made a point that if he’s not feeling well that’s even more of a reason to go with them but he couldn’t stand to be with Armie at this moment, so he had his way.  
In the hotel he collapsed on the bed and fell asleep although he didn’t feel rested when he woke up. There were several texts on his phone. „How are you feeling?” from Liz. „Are you OK?” from Nick. „I’m sorry Timmy for the way I behaved today. Call me when you wake up, please.” from Armie. He responded to Liz and Nick with the same message „I’m OK. Shouldn’t mix jet lag with alkohol, I guess” but he couldn’t bring himself to contact Armie. He went to take a shower instead and he stood there with water hitting his back for quite a while. Sudden knock on the door woke him from numbness. The knock was louder and more urgent so he turn the water off, put on a towel on his wet body and went to the door. It was Nick.  
„Hey man, Liz ordered me to check on you.” he said with a smile, handing out a bag of food.  
„You shouldn’t have! I’m really ok. Let me get dressed”. While he was drying himself off in the bathroom, there was another knock on the door. He walked out, with only his briefs on, still drying his hair with a towel, glanced at Nick with slight amusement and opened the door. It was Armie.  
He darted into the room „I wanted to..” and suddenly he stopped in shock seeing Nick. „What are you doing here?” he asked.  
„I came to check on Tim” Nick said plainly. „You ok, man?” he asked because Armie seemed to loose his footing, he needed to rest hist back onto the wall not to fall over. Armie looked at Nick and then looked at Timmy, who was still a little wet and in his underwear. With sudden panic and sadness in his eyes Armie blurted out „What’s going on between you two?”  
Nick looked incredulously at Armie, then at Timmy, then back at Armie.  
Timmy couldn’t get his eyes off of Armie. What was going on?  
„I think I’m gonna go” said Nick after quite an awkward silence and before he walked out he put his hand on Armie’s shoulder in a reassuring way.  
Armie sat down on the floor. Timmy grabbed a t-shirt, put in on and sat nearby, saying nothing. This was one of these moments where he should be very careful about the line that should not be crossed.  
Armie looked down hiding his face and said „I came here to apologise for being angry at you today but I think now I’m even more angry.”  
He couldn’t stand this any longer so he bursted „I’m getting pretty angry myself!” which propelled Armie to look at him. The look that he gave made Timmy uneasy and utterly lost „I don’t understand what’s going on with you!”. He stood up and walked couple of steps back to gain distance from Armie.  
Armie jolted to his feet and walked straight to him, grabbed him by the shoulders and said „Are you sleeping with Nick?”  
Timmy gazed straight into Armie’s eyes, not even blinking and said „No. I don’t sleep with anybody.” For some reason his anger turned to sadness. How he always loved to feel Armie’s hands on his arms, even if the gesture was purely innocent, even if it was only to take a picture. He wanted to feel these giant hands forever. And it made him so sad that this moment was too twisted and wrong to let him enjoy that feeling that he constantly longed for.  
Armie’s grip loosened but he didn’t let go. „You know, all I think about is Crema. Having you close. Why was it so simple then and there and got so fucking hard here? I’m so sorry. I don’t know what I’m doing. Seeing you flirt with Nick made me fucking crazy.”  
Timmy was about to say how ridiculous that was, he was about to say that Armie has no right to act this way. But he just asked sadly „Why though?”  
„Because I love you.” Armie said. And in a way, that was nothing new. They said it so many times during press that it kind of lost its meaning. To Timmy at least. He didn’t even look at Armie to search for honesty of that words. He didn’t want to see that these precious words meant something so slightly but so significantly different to Armie than they meant to him.  
„Please, don’t say it anymore.” Timmy wriggled his way out of Armie’s grasp and took another step back. He felt his eyes filling with tears and couldn’t help it. It felt like the end of their friendship.   
„You know, I thought we had this. I thought I was kind of doing quite well considering.. but you fucking ruined everything today.” He lashed out through his tears.  
„No, don’t say that! Don’t say it!” Armie started crying and closed the gap between them once again. This time he hugged Timmy with his whole body, he enclosed him within his arms, pressed Timmy’s face to his chest and buried his face in Timmy’s wet hair and sobbed. „I’m so sorry. It’s all my fault, I know.” He took Timmy’s face in his hands and brought it up towards him. „I think I misspoke earlier, Timmy. I don’t love you..” he said looking straight into Timmy’s eyes „..I am in love with you.”


End file.
